Oh, hello blog! I have missed you!

 What a fun blog to start back on! I went to the most incredible Rock Your Bliss retreat! I was surrounded by an incredible group of women eager to dig in and make life changes. There is nothing more inspiring to me than people willing to do the work to reach their very best them! I feel refreshed, motivated and eager to take my life to the next level.

 The retreat was yoga and goal setting based. What a shock it was to be at a yoga retreat and not to be able to do any yoga! What?!? You have got to be kidding. I got this intense back pain that does not enable me to even put pants on without sitting down. Wah Wah, I know.

My pitty party and disappointment turned out to be just what I needed. I mean, I could go without the pain I am experiencing but growth is rarely glamorous. The first full yoga session I was excited, I am a BIG FAN of Mary Beth’s and could not wait to flow to her wisdom on my mat. She had us begin the practice by setting intentions in our journals. One of the questions she asked us was “what does your body need?” I wrote:

“Fitness

Sweat

Heat

Burning

Fire

Excursion

Center

Flow

Connection”

 Unfortunately, I felt more like a robot during the practice. Early into the practice Mary Beth positioned me on my back, with a bolster and an eye mask over my eyes. I felt several tears flow down by check as my disappointment flooded my body. I was seeking the burn, the challenge, the sweat. Not only for my body but for my mind. I desperately wanted the mental clarity I achieve through a deep wringing of sweat. Instead, I was flat on my back without much mobility.

 I reflected on the words I wrote at the beginning of the practice and tried so hard to rewrite the story in my head. I’m in a new body, one that is working to protect a baby. Burning, fire, heat, intensity are not quite as accessible. I asked myself what does my body really need? Not what I want it to receive but what it genuinely needs. Nurturing, tenderness, compassion, adaptability, acceptance arose.

 To use Jackie’s language, I need new “shifters.” Exercise has always been my shifter (the tool that gets me grounded). Sure I like music, reading, TV, meditation, massage, manicures only AFTER the burning, sweating and excursion.

 I admit I felt sorry for myself and frustrated that I could not hike, could do complete a yoga session. I learned exactly what I needed though. I know how to hike and do yoga. What I struggle with is how to center myself through modalities other than exercise.

 My commitment to myself (and all friends and family, for their sake :>) is to explore what other parts of myself I can tend to, to become more centered. Exercise is great AND there are so many other options in the world that will actually make me more complete when they are also integrated into my daily life. Off I go to find what they are….