Hi Anxiety.
Hi anxiety.
Who is with me? Sometimes anxiety is just a faint whisper and other times it feels like garage band screaming. Turns out, I like control :)
So what do we have control over?
Our reaction.
When I get flooded (overcome with emotions), I get to make the choice, if I get snarky (my go to when I revert and do not ground) or I pause and own my feelings.
My shield used to be my reaction (becoming snarky, quick to respond) or internalizing (that I was the problem and I must have done something wrong). Thank you grad school, therapy and self exploration- I then learned another way of coping. I learned that feelings are necessary. One cannot mind over matter life.
At a time like this, we are ALL experiencing a heightened connection to all of our feelings. Maybe this is your opportunity to get comfortable with feelings. With your experience. With the feedback you are getting from yourself.
I know it is a focal point for me. When I swap from work to home mode. I am working to be mindful of the transition. I know that if I snap at one of my loving children, most of the time, that is because I am distracted and not fully present.
Here is where this gets tricky. We all have a lot of feelings right now. We do not want to train ourselves to compartmentalize the emotions. We want to be present and connected with all feelings, at all times. I know, it sounds hard. It is. What I can assure you is that on the other side of this uncertain time, you will be so grateful you did this work.
Here are the three go to tips for honoring your needs, experience and emotions:
Check in. Regularly take inventory with where you are at. What are the feelings. Gather data about your baseline knowledge of your feelings. Many of us don’t have a great understanding of our feelings that are fluctuating day to day, minute to minute. Please reference the emotion chart below for how to get more aquatinted with your feelings. I encourage you to stay on step one if you are working on clearly explaining how to recognize each feeling. Step 1, the noticing, is the most important step in this process. Please give it the time and space it deserves.
Honor the feelings. When you notice a feeling, peel it back, like an onion. What is coming up for you? What are you needing? How do you tend to it? We often times respond incongruently to the need in attempt to protect ourselves. In the short terms, it sometimes works. Long term, it exacerbates the untended to feeling. Practice being mindful of the choices you are making and if they are aligned with your feeling and needs.
Share your experience with those you love. This can feel very vulnerable as we often times don’t acknowledge our needs to ourselves, let alone others. I have this river analogy that, doesn’t do justice to the concept but is the best I’ve got for now- When we resist our feelings we are fighting the current and swimming up stream, when we acknowledge them and share them, we are able to swim with the current. Naming emotions feels counter intuitive. If we name it, it feels like it will take up more space. In actuality, if you name it, it will get tended to the way it needs to be tended to and in turn will take up less space.
We are all in this together. I am in your corner. Please reach out. Let me know what step you are on and how I can support you in the space you are in.
Big (virtual) hugs,
Katie
