I want you to do the dishes!

First of all- Kuddos to you! For investing time in your relationship in order to increase the connection!

As silly as the laundry example is, most of us can relate to some version of that. Yes, the task itself is simple but the impact is huge!

Roles and agreements sound so stale and forced. It’s true, it does take a bit of the organicness out of the dynamic but will exponentially increase your level of satisfaction!

If you have seen the movie The Breakup- remember that scene where Jennifer Anniston says to Vince Vaughn, “I want you to want to do the dishes!” We are looking to prevent that level of resentment.

Here are the starting steps for creating agreements with your significant other:

1) Carve out a time that is uninterrupted. So no kids running around asking for your love and focus. Not engaging in a work task at the same time. Ensure it’s just two of you, no distractions. Bonus points if you come to the table with a solution focused perspective!

2) Work it backwards. What needs to get done in a given week? What are the standard tasks that occur weekly and then the tasks that are out of the norm for the given week?

3) Choose, who is going to do what tasks. You can designate laundry, for example, to one person or you can each have specific days in which you are responsible for the laundry. Go through and do this with every task. Dishes, kid drop off, grocery shopping, finances, cleaning the bathrooms, making the bed, general clean up, mowing the lawn, shoveling, etc.

4) Be an advocate for what you are needing. Your partner is not a mind reader. The intention of creating agreements is to open up space for you all to enjoy one another versus getting frustrated or feeling as though you are doing everything.

5) This is a living agreement. You will need to make adaptions. It will vary week to week so please carve out a couple minutes a couple times a week for the first couple weeks to check in with how it is working and what changes you all need to make. Overtime, this will become more organic, once you have settled in on the roles that work for you. I do still encourage a biannual check in, regardless of how its going!

It is counter intuitive to set formal parameters. I assure you, if you take the time to create them, you and your significant other will increase your day to day life satisfaction dramatically!!

Please do not hesitate to send me a message if you hit any hurdles and need assistance navigating them. Enjoy the process!